Single Living Magazine

Online Dating tips

In the past few years dating has become very big business indeed - largely thanks to the Internet. search for UK dating sites on Google and you'll find almost 9 million responses. there are literally hundreds of dating sites out there, all trying to tempt you to join. They range from highly reputable sites offering excellent features and service through to extremely dodgy 'adult' sites, sites purporting to offer you cheap foreign brides and partners and sites that are simply bogus and exist purely to take your money.

If you do want to give online dating a go, the best advice is to stick to one of the best-known ones. You'll find a list of some of the better sites below. But before you rush off to explore, a few words of warning ...

What you need to know about online dating sites

Free - as long as you don't use us ...

Almost ALL online dating sites use the same trick of pretending to be free. They are not free at all - in fact they can be quite pricey. All they do is allow you to sign up for free. How generous of them! It's most unlikely you'll be allowed to use the site until you have produced the credit card. The idea, of course, is to get you excited by the prospect of meeting some of the cuties or hunks that are prominently displayed on the site. At this point you are more likely to make a spontaneous decision to part with your money, rather than making a cool and calculated decision.

Our members are better looking ..

As mentioned above, dating sites often appear to attract more than their fair share of exceptionally good-looking and desirable members. This is of course nonsense. You will soon find that the members are by and large just ordinary folk, with the regulation number of wrinkles and the same complicated personal history as anyone else.

Handsome flute-playing A-list astronaut and art collector seeks like-minded female

For a variety of reasons, the Internet does seem to encourage the people to be ... economical with the truth. Both genders often knock a few years off their age, tidy up their past and reveal a fondness for great literature, opera and philosophy that they have hitherto hidden from those that know them best. Some may even overlook the small detail of their husband/wife or children.

Dating sites don't run any checks whatsoever on the bona fides of their members. So do be very careful, in the early stages at least, about giving away too many personal details such as your identity and address. Read advice on dating safety and make sure you heed it. One Single living member joined a dating site and had a very enjoyable couple of months chatting and flirting with a very charming American man. After two months, she gave him all her contact details and they agreed he would fly over for a visit. to her surprise, he then went quiet. Imagine her distress a few days later on receiving a call from the man's wife. It turned out he was a felon who had been sent back to prison, and the wife had only now stumbled across evidence of his online activities. And recently, not one but two of our members started dating men they met on Faceparty, only to be contacted later by their new boyfriends' wives.

Act in haste, repent at leisure

The online dating industry is about immediacy and the promise of instant gratification. At the click of a button a whole bunch of interesting-looking people instantly appear before you. Sometimes you can even see if they are online and you can send them an instant message or invite them to chat.

While this is great, surprise, surprise - there's a downside. Dating site members often get carried away and abandon all rational thoughts of a gradual get-to-know-each-other approach. A few quick flirtatious exchanges and suddenly it's 'Hey, what's your phone number?' People who under normal circumstances would describe themselves as sensible suddenly find themselves throwing caution to the wind and flirting with or exchanging confidences with virtual strangers.

However, dating sites really do work ...

In spite of the caveats listed above, online dating can be both fun and rewarding. We know of many people who have found partners online and gone on to get married and start families.

If you do decide t go the online dating route, do take it seriously. Although it's easy to sign up with one or more sites in a matter of minutes, you don't want to end up feeling ripped off, and you certainly shouldn't take any risks at all concerning your personal safety. If the whole thing goes well, it could change your life forever and you'll think it the best thing you ever did. But you could also end up out of pocket and with dented self-confidence.

Tips for choosing an online dating service

You may have friends or colleagues who can give you useful tips on which sites are worthwhile, so do consult with them if you can.

Take time to compare a few sites, so you can familiarise yourself with the features they offer. Ignore all the marketing guff - they all claim to be the number one site etc.

Bear in mind that the online dating industry is, deliberately, incredibly complex. Dating sites use all kinds of clever tricks to appeal to different target groups - by location, social status, age, gender, wealth, personal vanity, etc. However, quite a few sites are actually just the same as others but with a different look to them (this is called 'white labelling'. See, for example., Friends Reunited Dating and ITV Dating (ITV owns Friends Reunited).

Don't expect to find unbiased advice ANYWHERE (apart from here - we are genuinely independent!). Everyone who's anyone is making money from dating and your favourite newspaper or TV station is almost certainly hosting some kind of dating site, often just a white label version of one of the main dating sites. even if this is not the case, they are likely to have some kind of relationship with other organisations. Take for example the London Evening Standard which claims to seek the best site for you based on a few search criteria. check out the 'solutions' offered and decide for yourself if this is any sense objective feedback.

Check that the site has a sizeable membership in the UK and preferably in your area.

See if you can find out how much your shortlisted sites cost to join. Warning - this can be incredibly hard to do. Even if you track down a relevant question on the site's help page, it is still unlikely to divulge costs until you have gone through the process of registering. Expect to pay in the region of £15-20 for a month or £100 for a year.

It may well be a good idea to join for the shortest time possible - you don't yet know how well the service will work for you. But if you do go for the cheapest option, check to see if they are sneakily going to renew your membership automatically. If that is the case, as soon as you've joined, follow the steps to cancel automatic renew.

Online dating sites with UK memberships

DatingDirect - part of Meetic, a giant European player, so they are probably effectively the same site.

Match.com - massive worldwide company (also appearing as MSN Dating)

Guardian Soulmates, Times Encounters, handbag.com - lovelife dates, Time Out - London Love - all run on behalf of these media companies by Telecom Express

Friends Reunited Dating - part of Friends Reunited (and now owned by ITV)

mysinglefriend.com - set up by TV presenter Sarah Beeny

LoveandFriends.com - one of the few sites with a genuine free membership option