Single Living Magazine
Unclutter your Life
Kate Puplett
It's time for a new start - so get rid of your baggage!
According to Chambers' Dictionary, clutter means 'a clotted or confused mass; confusion'. As a lifelong hoarder, that definition was, until recently, a distressingly accurate description of my home; every drawer, cupboard, nook and cranny was crammed with things which 'might come in useful one day' or which I couldn't bear to part with 'because it used to belong to Great Auntie Alice...' In other words, dust-gathering, energy-sapping, guilt-inducing, time-wasting junk.
I finally saw the light when a close friend had a major clear-out, prompted by the urge to have a fresh start after the death of her husband. To my astonishment, the dozens of bin-bags which left her home were crammed with perfectly wearable clothes, photos, books, family heirlooms, her daughters' outgrown clothes and toys, old letters, essays and lecture notes... How could she throw away such a big part of her life? She admitted it had been a difficult and emotional process; there had been tears and doubts about what she was doing, but she had reached a point where it was time to start looking forward and all that clutter was dragging her back into the past. Now she has a beautiful, calm, clutter-free home, with a few treasured mementoes of her loved ones on display. Whereas she used to spend a lot of her free time unable to relax, haunted by the feeling that she should be sorting out all that stuff sitting forgotten and neglected in her cupboards, now she has rediscovered her zest for life and has started a reflexology course, does voluntary work for the Red Cross, goes for a three mile walk every day, has taken up yoga and still finds time to just sit and enjoy the birds in her garden. Inspired by the miraculous change this clear-out had wrought in my friend's life, I resolved to give it a go...
Fired with enthusiasm, I piled all the contents of my Welsh dresser onto the floor and then whimpered with horror at the gruesome pile confronting me. Two hours later the mountain had shrunk from Everest to Ben Nevis proportions, but several smaller heaps had appeared: rubbish, things to go to charity shops, car boot items, recycling, items to keep (depressingly large), things for valuation (well, we all dream of finding a Ming vase ...) and, last but most definitely not least, things I couldn't make up my mind about and which were destined to go back in the dresser until I decided their fate. I felt exhausted, demoralised and defeated. I had not realised that it would be such an emotionally draining process, but nearly every item had some sort of emotional hold over me, bringing back memories of happy times or of loved ones, of the achievements of my family (I had kept every drawing my daughters had ever brought home from school!). I had gifts I didn't like from people I did, precious things waiting to be mended ... Each item I unearthed needed a huge effort to deal with it. At the end of the day, the room was a mess, I was a mess and the dresser was filling up rapidly again. I needed help!
After a trip to the library and quizzing my inspirational friend, I came up with some simple rules to ensure that I emerged unscathed from my next tussle with clutter.
1. When is the best time to start?
Allow yourself enough time to complete the task you have set yourself or else you will end up, as I did, with a depressing mess which will probably go straight back into the cupboard. So, set aside a whole day with as few distractions as possible. Start as early as you can - we tend to be more full of energy in the morning and more determined to be ruthless; tiredness breeds laziness and you're more likely to end up keeping more than you should.
It is important to be in the right frame of mind. De-cluttering needs enthusiasm, perseverance and the determination to see it through, even though it may be emotionally draining at times. Anger can be a good motivator and can help avoid sentimentality, which is lethal when dealing with emotionally charged objects. Be careful, though, that anger does not cause you to be over-zealous so that you find yourself at the rubbish dump a few days later trying to retrieve things thrown out too hastily.
2. How to start
Be realistic about your targets. Once the decision has been made to have a good clear out, we want instant results but de-cluttering takes time and needs to be dealt with in manageable chunks. My second Battle of the Dresser ended in victory because I approached it more warily, tackling my foe one drawer at a time. Each small target achieved will inspire and energise you to go on to the next.
3. How to sort your clutter
Be decisive! The most demoralising aspect of my first de-cluttering attempt was that huge pile of things I put off sorting till later. They all ended up back in the dresser. Instead, sort each item into one of the following categories:
i) Rubbish
There are some things which, let's face it, are of no use to anybody and the only place for them is the rubbish tip!
ii) Recycling
A lot of things which you don't want can be put to good use by others. Car boot sales are a very satisfying (not to say lucrative) way of finding another home for your unwanted bits and pieces; charity shops are another worthy home for unwanted books, clothes, knick-knacks, bedding, curtains etc. If you have something which may be valuable, most towns have an auction house which will value items either free of charge or for a small fee. Anything which is of no practical use to anyone can still be recycled if it is made of glass, plastic, paper, card or metal - try to be kind to the environment by sending as little as possible to the rubbish dump!
iii) Things to keep
If there are items which you feel you ought to get rid of but still feel emotionally attached to, don't be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself to have one small box for things which are probably on their way out but which you can't quite let go of yet. Review this box at regular intervals to see if there is anything which you feel ready to deal with.
There are two basic rules to help you decide what to keep:
If something fits either or both of these categories, it still has a place in your life. If not - junk it!
4. How to let go
It is amazing what a hold clutter can have on us. Most of the things in my dresser were gifts from loved ones which I didn't like or have a use for but kept because I didn't want to upset the giver, or because I appreciated the thought. Bear in mind that gifts serve as a means of expressing love or appreciation; we can keep the sentiments long after the present itself has gone - and as for upsetting the giver, they probably won't even notice (after all, it wasn't very visible shut away in a cupboard!).
There is certainly room in every home for items that have no practical use but have meaning for us, as long as they are given a special place and do not just sit in a cupboard gathering dust. But it is important to be discerning and to distinguish between the value of the object and the feelings or memories behind it. If you have a collection of inherited china you don't like or have room for, let it go to someone who will make use of it - your loved one will live on in your memory even if you don't have their plates any more.
Some things can make us feel very unhappy, yet we cannot bring ourselves to get rid of them; for example, love letters or photos from a failed relationship or items of clothing from a loved one who has died. Remember that as long as we hang on to the past, we are leaving a bit of ourselves there too and cannot fully move on and make the most of the future. You may find it easier to get rid of this sort of clutter in stages - putting it into your 'to be reviewed box' is a very important first step, signalling your intention to deal with it when you are ready. When the time finally comes to remove a pain-causing object from your life, allow yourself to face and experience the hurt it represents, taking as long as you need, and then make a vow to yourself that you will not allow it to have power over you any longer and let it go. It is perfectly natural to feel regret or that you have done the wrong thing, but remember that hanging on to things which make us feel bad means we cannot feel truly happy.
5. Moving on
Not only does clutter fill up our surroundings but it has a similar effect on our mind. It creates a sort of mental fog, inducing guilt, lethargy and stress. It keeps us in our past and makes us experience over and over again all our bad times, as well as the good. When the clutter goes, you will feel alert, empowered, full of energy and enthusiasm - but also vulnerable; your comfort blanket has gone. To avoid falling immediately back into the clutter trap, it is vital to make the most of your new-found freedom and clarity of mind. Deal with any aspects of your life which you are not happy with such as your job, relationships or home. Seize any opportunities which present themselves - and I can assure you they will come along once you have made space in your life for them - and embrace change. You are never too old to take up fresh challenges - and it is never too late to clear that clutter!
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